loaded gun

i’m triggered. triggered because i was the one behind the gun the entire time it was aimed towards me. i shot myself. i shot myself down.

my dreams.

my future. i used to want so much for myself. i let myself down. fell out of love with myself. i second guessed myself. i loved you before you ever thought of loving me. i beat myself up. i beat myself up because you didn’t love me. you didn’t care. you didn’t worship me, but i was always there. i was always in the shadows of your insecurities. i was there to pick you up before you could ever fall. but you let me fall... out of love with myself because you knew the weaknesses within me because i let you in. i let you in and i let you control my mind. it was you. you convinced me to pull the trigger.