4/30/20

i was told the words “you’re showing me what your “love” really is.” i had to take a deep breath and rewind time back to when i had to play superwoman to protect myself.

i showed you love when i had to compete for you. time after time. woman after woman. game after game. shift after shift. i was questioned of who you were and why you were located where you were. you lied to me. you kept me out the loop, but i was still there for you. i loved you. i believed in you. i showed my love for you when i accepted parts of you as if they were my own. i loved you enough to make your seed apart of my flower. watered your seed as if we came out the same packet. i protected your seed even when you didn’t want me to. i loved you enough... i loved you enough to rush to the hospital during the middle of the night because your associates called me saying that you had been hurt. we weren’t even on talking terms, but i was there. i held your hand. i wiped your tears. i walked you to the bathroom. you needed me. i was there. i listened for your jokes. i watched you fail to walk again, but i was there because i didn’t want to see you fall. i loved you when you had nothing because i never had interest in if you had anything or if you were somebody. i was there for you. all of you. i showed you i loved you when i confessed my temptations with other people. every time. i loved you enough to tell you so no one else ever could. teary eyed. hopeless. but i wanted to be the one to tell you.

it hurts to have to let this go, but maybe the flower can’t grow anymore.